How to stop the world pushing your boundaries

wellbeing advice, mental health, boundaries

We’ve all experienced moments in our life where we feel our boundaries have been pushed. When someone pushes our boundaries, we can be left reeling, confused, hurt and sometimes angry and resentful.

Advertisement

One of the biggest ways I see boundaries being pushed with my clients, is when they feel obligated to say “yes” to someone (whether it’s a colleague, friend or family member, or sometimes even a stranger), when what they really mean is a compassionate “no”.

Before we can look at what you can do next time sometime crosses or pushes your boundaries, let’s look at what a boundary is:

What is a boundary?

A boundary is anything that marks a limit or a line that you feel shouldn’t be stepped over.

Sometimes we’re not even aware of where these lines are drawn, until someone crosses them.

When someone crosses the line with you, you may feel resentful, angry, teary, hurt, sad or just annoyed.

When people push your boundaries, what do you do?

Some people or situations will come into your life just to teach you how to strengthen your personal, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries.

You may find you feel as if your buttons are being pushed, or people are walking all over you, or you feel constantly pressured to say “yes” to everyone and everything… and it can feel really icky and uncomfortable… and really confronting too.

All of a sudden, you will be faced with decisions like: where is MY line? How can I let people know they have crossed it, and how can I prevent them from crossing it again? Is it even OK for me to ask them to take a step back? Will they still love / accept / acknowledge / respect me?

Here’s the truth: We teach people how to treat us, and how to communicate with us.

Most importantly, we can always choose where our energy goes.

Energetically speaking, you do have a choice in how people treat you.

You can set your own boundaries firmly and lovingly.

You do deserve to be respected and treated in a way that feels good to you.

Setting boundaries will improve your life, and how you feel about yourself.

Here’s a few things to do when someone is pushing your boundaries:

1. Tell them it’s not OK

Be honest in a gentle and kind way, but tell them you don’t feel good about XYZ and that you’re going to take a step back or make a change. Make it about how you’re feeling, so you don’t point any fingers or blame anyone else.

2. Listen to your intuition before anything else

Especially if you’re confused about how to act in this situation. This means you don’t need to react; you can calmly feel into what’s the best option here. Is it to walk away? Is it to stand your ground? For me, it’s usually that I need to stand my ground. Listen to what your intuition is telling you.

3. Realise this isn’t about you at all

Sometimes people push our boundaries because they simply don’t know how else to act. They may be acting out of fear, or lack or a scarcity mindset, but their “stuff” doesn’t need to become your “stuff”.

4. Be positive and compassionately stand your ground

For people who are very empathetic and sensitive it can be really hard to stand your ground when someone is pushing your boundaries. You may feel like you owe them something or that you’re just helping them, but you can’t see how this may be affecting you. This can take a little work but often simply making the decision to not take others’ ‘stuff’ on board can be helpful.

5. Leave the situation and just walk away

Do it with kindness and compassion and generosity of spirit.

6. Know that ultimately, you can do what makes you happy

What works for you and what feels right in your heart. You DO know the answer.

Do you feel like you get pushed around often?

What needs to change for you to respect your own boundaries?

What would life look like if you respected your own boundaries?

 Image credit: iStock
SHARE
Previous articleLola Berry’s pumpkin pie pancake recipe
Next articleCult brand We Are Handsome launches new activewear
Cassie Mendoza-Jones is a kinesiologist, naturopath and writer for women who feel stuck, unworthy and disconnected to themselves. In working with her, women move into what she calls “heartfelt harmony” – a state of balance, ease and vitality. Through her Heartfelt Harmony Society courses + guides, eBooks and free resources, she’s here to help you shake up your approach to self-care, self-worth and self-acceptance on every level, while making it all feel like nourishing yourself without feeling guilty for it is the simplest thing in the world. (Truth: it can be.) Her upcoming book with Hay House is due for release in early 2016, and her lessons and insights have been featured in publications such as Body + Soul, and on popular websites such as Sporteluxe, news.com.au, Vogue.com.au, and smh.com.au. She’s spoken at events and workshops around Australia for a variety of companies, including LinkedIn. When she’s not working with clients, or creating new books, online courses and programs, she’s getting lost in a good novel, hanging out in a cafe or suiting up for a yoga class. Meet Cassie + get ready to find the most balanced, centred version of yourself at www.elevatevitality.com.au and www.heartfeltharmony.com.