Relationships. If you’ve ever had one, you know that when they’re going great, life is great! But when they’re not so great, everything in your life is affected.
What actually happens in a relationship that takes it from being fun, playful and amazing to lifeless, boring and often full of conflict? Better yet, what would it take for your relationship to keep getting better and better all the time? What if every day of your relationship was better than the day before? What if new possibilities kept showing up? What if more joy, more ease, more space and more of everything you desire was your reality?
There are several habits that we often fall into in our relationships that can ruin it and keep us from having the joyful, generative and creative connection with our partner that is possible. The good news is, you can change it. You always have a choice, which means you can always choose something different.
Would you be willing to let go of the habits that are ruining your relationship? Would you like to choose something else?
Here are 5 habits that ruin a relationship and empowering tools to change it.
1. Comparing to Others
How much do you judge you? How much do you compare yourself to others? Compare your partner to others? Compare your relationship to others? Are you always looking around to see if you are fitting in? Making sure that your relationship is acceptable? Making sure that you’re doing it right?
The problem with comparison is that we always end up concluding that something must be wrong with us.
The next time you notice that you’re comparing yourself, ask, “What’s right about me that I’m not getting? What’s right about my partner that I’m not getting? What’s right about this relationship that I’m not getting?”
These questions take you out of the conclusion and judgment of you, of your partner and of your relationship, which will immediately open the door to new possibilities.
2. Giving Up Things You Enjoy
Would you be willing to let go of the idea that you and your partner have to have the same desires? What if you could do what was fun for you and your partner could do what was fun for them?
Start today to choose to be, do and have the things that will contribute to you and make your life greater. When your life is greater, the relationship can be too.
3. Cutting Off the People Who Are Kind and Caring to You
Are there people that really add to your life that you have stopped connecting with, all because your focus is on your relationship?
How much more joy and ease would you have if you reconnected with the people who have been amazing gifts in your life? How much would it add to your life if you were able to receive the nurture and care from EVERYONE around you?
You can start today. Reach out. Reconnect.
4. Looking for Answers
When we have conflict in our relationship, we start to look for the answer. But answers never take us beyond what we already know. So, the next time there is conflict or disagreement or something just isn’t working in the relationship, ask questions. Instead of coming to a conclusion about what’s going on or about what needs to happen to change it, ask, “What else is possible here?”
When you ask questions, you move beyond every habit, every thought, every conclusion you currently have and into the space of new possibilities.
You can also ask, “How does it get any better than this?” Ask this when things are good or bad. When you ask, things just keep on getting better.
5. Putting Your Relationship on Auto Pilot
A relationship begins because we choose it. We choose a particular person as our partner. We choose what we would like our relationship to be like. But sometimes that active choosing goes away and we start to exist in the relationship. And, if we are not actively choosing our relationship, we are not creating it.
Related article: 7 long term couples share how they keep their sex life hot
Want to change it? Choose daily.
Daily choosing to be in your relationship stops the auto pilot, and brings you back to the creativity, fun and excitement that was there in the beginning.
You may have heard that the definition of insanity is, “doing the same thing over and over; expecting different results.” If we keep our relationship habits, the same results have to show up. If we would go beyond our relationship habits, recognise that something else is possible, and then choose it, our relationships can change dynamically.
Words by Dr. Dain Heer
ABOUT DR. DAIN HEER
Dr. Dain Heer is an international speaker, author and facilitator of advanced Access Consciousness® workshops worldwide. His unique and transforming points of view on bodies, money, relationships and creating the future transcend everything currently being taught. Dr. Heer will be in Australia in November for his transformative Being You classes. The classes give you tangible, practical and dynamic tools that can start changing the things in your life that aren’t working for you. To find out more visit his website.