As women, sometimes we feel an obligation to change one or more things about ourselves to fit in with a partner, friendship group or family situation. While fitting in is what we’re taught to do from a young age, as we get older we realize just how unimportant it is to be liked by others and how we need to be true to ourselves.
Women shouldn’t have to change for anyone, and there are definite no-no’s when it comes to changing these things about you in order to make your partner happy.
Like all things about you, your personality is a huge part of how you go about your daily life. Whether you’re optimistic, realistic or somewhere in between, your personality can define how people interact with you and perceive you. If you steer away from your true self for your partner, you’re altering who you are in your core – you need to be with someone that appreciates your personality as a whole, good and bad traits!
A woman’s career is just as important to her as a man’s career is to him – women have sacrificed so much to earn a seat at a table full of men, so why do you need to change your career goals for your partner? A woman would be coerced into changing her career if her partner is either threatened by her success, wants to be more successful than her, or thinks her career isn’t important. If your partner wants you to change careers, change your partner; the right person will value your goals and aspirations no matter what you do.
Your relationships with your family, girl and boy friends, co-workers and even your partner’s family is vital and a big part of your life. Having a partner that doesn’t like your friends or vise versa can be tough, but that doesn’t mean you need to cut them out. Look into why your partner doesn’t want you hanging around certain people; it can narrow down to them being insecure and jealous that you can have fun without them.
We have been told you can’t be too thin or fat, too light or dark, too white or ethnic, too tall or short – women are told by society and media constantly that their appearance isn’t good enough. A partner should be someone that embraces and loves your appearance how it is and how you want to look. Color your hair, get lash extensions, put on fake tan; do whatever you want to do but only because you want to do it. Your partner doesn’t like your hair color? Their problem!
Religion is something that can divide people or bring them together; you’re a grown woman that can make her own decisions, and it’s your choice whether you want to follow a particular faith or not. Having a religious upbringing can also influence our relationships, and if your partner wants your beliefs to be shifted or change to another religion, it can put a strain on things especially between you and your family life.
Being unique and owning your style means doing the most rebellious thing women can do today – by doing whatever you want to do you’re telling the world to ‘take me as I am’, and that is pure poetry. Your style speaks to how you express yourself every day, whether it be with clothing, accessories, hair-do’s, makeup or your mannerisms, your style is something no one can take away from you. It’s how friends know what to get you for your birthday or wonder what cool eyeshadow you’ll be wearing; your individuality makes you beautiful.
Discussing politics in relationships can end up in an agreed debate, heated discussion or a shit storm of opposing views. While it’s important to be with someone who shares some political views with you, you don’t have to agree on everything – if your partner is pushing to change your views on a topic, don’t budge. It can be an agree-to-disagree situation, but if you feel like your differing views, such as die hard meat-eater vs activist vegan or they’re all for oil rigs in the Great Barrier Reef, it might be time to move on.
While we can put things like work, religion or politics under what women can be passionate about, it can also encompass the activities she enjoys in her spare time. You can be passionate about going for a run in the morning, painting watercolors in the afternoon sun, or going to an underground music gig. Your passions are a driving force that ties together your personality, style and sometimes your appearance; they mesh together to become part of your life’s narrative. Be with someone who not only loves your passions but encourages you to see them through!
While you’re here, check out what Dr. Lurve has to say about whether or not your relationship would survive a cheating scandal.