Should You Give Your Vagina A Cucumber Cleanse?

And no, it's not a "cleanse"

cucumber
Image via iStock

They’re great in soups, as noodles, and in juices, but one place cucumbers definitely do not belong: your vagina.

Yes, you read that correctly, and in case you need a friendly reminder: please don’t put a cucumber anywhere near your vagina. Got it? Good.

Don’t get us wrong, we’re up for trying the latest health and wellness trends. Kombucha, keto, salt therapy—you name it, we’ll give it a go. But according to the experts, this is one trend that’s not worth the experiment—it can cause some major damage to your downstairs.

According to Jen Gunter, M.D., a Canadian ob/gyn, the trend has been around for a bit, making its presence known on “natural wellness” sites. But in case you missed the emphases of her all-CAPS and bolded words in a recent blog, she’s seriously against it.

“Apparently some women are peeling cucumbers inserting them vaginally and then twisting them around for up to 20 minutes to refresh or cleanse or flush or something,” writes Dr Gunter. “If you have a vagina you should definitely not do this … Vaginas are not dirty.”

(*Intermission* to remind you, once again, to please not try this at home.)

Just like the douche method of “feminine hygiene” hit its peak popularity in the 1960s and 70s, the cucumber cleanse seems to be the latest and not-so-greatest form of cleaning your lady parts. But as the doctor and many more before her have explained, your vagina does not need cleansing.

“Study after study after study tells us that douches, cleanses, steams, vinegar, ph balancing products, aloe, colloidal silver, garlic or whatever else passing as the vaginal snake oil du jour at best do nothing but have real potential for harming good bacteria and/or disrupting the mucosal surface,” she goes on.

So not only does the cucumber have no cleansing effect on your vagina, it can actually cause serious harm to it.

“A case report of vaginal and bladder perforation with a cucumber has been described, as has a case of a penetrating injury with a cucumber through the vagina into the abdominal cavity,” she writes. While this can also happen when someone is trying to stimulate themselves sexually, it’s pretty possible to get carried away with a cucumber while “cleaning” and hurt yourself, she adds.

So here it is, once again, for old time’s sake:

“Keep the cucumbers out of your vaginas ladies, whether for cleaning or masturbation,” Dr Gunter explains. “Vaginas are a great self-contained ecosystem and do not need any additional support from vaginal vegetables to stay healthy. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misinformed, selling a product, or both. And remember, don’t give opportunistic infections an opportunity is a good motto.”