They never tell you when you’re younger that relationships aren’t how they appear in the movies; there’s no perfectly scripted scene, no chorus of birdsong when you reunite, no grand gesture of rocking up in Paris to find your love (I’m looking at you Carrie Bradshaw).
Our relationships aren’t always going to be exactly how we pictured in our heads. Finding the right person isn’t about how many boxes they tick on our list, it’s about appreciating how they contribute to your life in the best ways. Let’s find out if you’re putting any of these unrealistic expectations on your relationship that can turn it from a great love to a hot mess.
Thanks to years of only seeing people’s highlights in their relationships, and not being able to tell romantic comedy from reality, some women expect romance to always be on the table.
While it’s part of any solid relationship, it isn’t enough to keep people together – your partner’s sole purpose in life isn’t to make your dreams come true, remember they have a life outside of your relationship and will need to focus on their obligations.
While big gestures such as a dozen roses or dinner reservations might be the only way you see romance, your partner can be communicating romance in other ways. Little gestures mean more than we know; if they help out with dinner, take care of the washing or just rub your shoulders, acknowledging the little things will give you more fulfilment in your relationship.
Let’s face it, we all make mistakes and not every idea or opinion is a cause for action. You might have a job interview that moves you interstate, or your political views differ from your partners – if these decisions affect your relationship or go against their values, they will be less inclined to support you. Think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed!
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs, and you don’t need to agree on absolutely everything. By discussing your thoughts and feelings toward a situation before taking action, your partner will feel considered rather than an afterthought and might be more supportive.
Married couples would chuckle at this statement, probably because they felt the same way once upon a time. Having a disagreement with your partner is inevitable, don’t forget being different is what attracted you to each other in the first place. You’re individuals with different opinions, views and preferences that can cause arguments in your relationship.
If you expect your partner to always agree with you, you’re asking them to not be their true self because you’re taking away their voice. Disagreements aren’t grounds for ending a relationship. They tend to make relationships stronger as you understand and appreciate each other on a new level.
A wandering eye in a relationship is totally normal, we all find and appreciate things that are beautiful in our eyes, and there’s no shame in occasionally having a look at someone that isn’t our partner. If they glance at someone else it doesn’t mean they are or will be unfaithful to you. If you get angry at them, it can come across that you don’t trust them enough to be faithful.
Trusting your partner is vital; getting upset over a stare only tells your partner you’re insecure within yourself. Your mutual trust isn’t as strong as they thought, which can cause issues later on. Have faith in your relationship; don’t forget you’ve had a look at a hot stranger once or twice before, so why can’t they look too?
Read this carefully ladies: your partner cannot read your mind! How many times have you been disappointed when your partner did or didn’t do something? When you thought they understood what you meant (when you told them the opposite).
We often don’t explicitly say exactly what we want or what we are thinking, hoping our partner can decipher their Da Vinci Code. This only leads to disappoint with the result. We’ve definitely said “don’t come over, I’m fine” and expected them to come over. Only to be more upset when they didn’t come over!
Every woman has done it in some form. It can be hard to admit when we need help or say what we really feel. When you can openly talk to your partner about these things it makes life a lot easier. By discussing exactly what’s on your mind, your partner will disappoint you less. Men need instructions and like to know what they need to do without guessing. This way they can achieve tasks and understand what you want.
Letting go of what you’ve designed in your head means happiness will come easier and your partner will feel appreciated. Your perfect person won’t fit into your mould of what you dreamed your relationship to be! Compromise, get to know your partner, love who they are and appreciate what they bring to your life.
While you’re here, check out Dr. Lurve’s take on the eight things a woman should never change for love.