1. The PT who looks like he bought his trainers in 1998
Welcome to city life! This dude is either just starting out and is seriously short on cash or is a freshie from regional Victoria where he was probably the sharpest looking fitness guru in town. (No offence rural VIC readers – we love you!) This guy, given a chance, could offer you some great old-school style training; he’s no doubt broken free from the farm, but physical labour since childhood has shown him the importance of squatting the right way when you throw a sheep down for the shear. City trainer ‘BS’ isn’t a factor here; his dow-to-earth enthusiasm will be infectious (after all, he’s living the dream!) He won’t sleep in on you, he is courteously reliable and well adept at getting up early with the cows. Lastly, he will think you are the bees knees of style perfection in your lululemon lycra.
The red flag
If his movement is inhibited by his shoes or he trips a lot and/or his feet roll in or over, the dude won’t be able to get his coordination, which means little he’s little help in correcting yours. If this is the case then run! Good news is he’ll probably trip on the lippy sole before he can catch you.
2. The glossy high tech ‘Ferrari’ of fitness footwear folk
Anything you need to know, this girl or guy has all the answers – or is at least willing to make them up. They subscribe to all the latest fitness propaganda and you can call any time, day or night, to talk techniques, smashing goals or for a general pep talk on life.
If you want a trainer who seriously walks the talk then this is the person for you. They’re up at 3am for a 100km ride before their 5:30am client, spend their Sundays preparing individually-packed high protein meals for the week, and if they had any time in their busy fitness life for a boy- or girlfriend, they’d no doubt pack them a broccoli and chicken lunch pack too, and have them up for 50 push ups before leaving the house in the morning with their meal replacement shake. This pro is a true inspiration, 100 per cent dedicated to changing the world by sculpting your glutes to bikini model perfection in just 12 weeks.
The red flag
They rode how many kilometres and did what before breakfast? This PT may be well over-the-boarder narcissist and could spend more time talking about their own goals and achievements that listening to yours. If they’re keeping more of an eye on your technique than admiring their shiny shoes and flashy guns/buns in the mirror, you’re probably OK.
3. The grass-fed minimalist and barefoot crusader
This guy is the most progressive of the bunch. City born and raised, his expensive high school education was not wasted. His intellect, sporting prowess and incredible network has allowed him an endless resource to the latest scientific findings and access to some of the best courses in the world. This dude gave up a pile of lucrative job offers or a quick ride in the family business to pursue his true passion of sports and science. In his circle he may be slightly left of course, however he has chosen the ‘lifestyle’ path and he is keen to share his knowledge and the latest innovation with you to maximise your time at the gym and ensure not only are you working out right, but you also have the ‘clean eating, calm mind’ vibe down. This guy will talk a lot about movement, longevity and sensory feedback and if you can understand what he is getting at you will be more than happy to get your pedi out to activate your feet for the good of your joint alignment, mobility and a focus on injury reduction. Not only will he make you revaluate your entire life’s purpose by aligning your uterus with your heel, he will open doors to a sweet little dating network of high profile sports stars and the cities elite.
This dude ain’t cheap, so chances are if you aren’t willing to ‘invest’ in your health and wellbeing you may be best to head out for a brisk jog around the block and find a patch of grass where you can whip off your shoes and connect with mother earth for free on the way home.
Love Madeline x
PS. Of COURSE we know people who wear these types of shoes don’t always fit these bills. This is just a bit of fun. But we bet you still laughed, because c’mon, some of it is sort of true, right?